23 October 2009

Decision Making

In a few days there will a letter arriving at my house.
Asking me to confirm my enrolment into university.
Yeah, I chose to take 12 months off study to save up some cash and take a little break, but things have gotten really complicated in the past 12 months.
I thought I knew what I was doing, and I thought I knew what I was going to do.
Now I'm utterly clueless and this feeling in my gut just won't go.
I set some goals when I entered VCE and I achieved them all.
The trouble now is, I've reached the end and don't think I can go any further.
I passed. (tick!)
I got good grades (tick!)
I survived the interview (tick! although the goal was to actually GET an interview)
I got a first round offer (tick!)
And now I'm going to uni.... right?

That's the dilemma - I don't know if I want to go.
Sure it means discounted train tickets but it also means homework and hard work to achieve something I just don't feel passionate about anymore.

I don't want to blame anyone or anything, but I certainly can. (lol)
The few clients that I worked for were such pains in the asses and even though some of them were resolved peacefully, I still wanted to fly-kick them.
It opened my eyes to the reality of graphic design, it's no glitz and glamour and ludicrous payments, it's just some old bag who wants a logo for her stupid business and knows exactly what she wants and it stubborn about it, yet assumes that because I'm the artist that I know exactly what she meant to convey with her vague expressions. It's too much "fine-tuning" and not enough "here's your fucking artwork, it's fantastic, I spent hours on it making it look pretty, give me thousands of dollars"

I won't lie. I honestly thought of it that way. How pathetic I truely am.

So what to do now?
I have secured a full-time position at the library and am considering studying the technician's course off-campus.
I don't think I want to work in a library forever, but I'm nervous about not doing enough. I feel that I NEED to be studying, something, anything!
and this just seems like the best option.
I have the benefits of working full-time, with study leave, earning a qualification while being able to afford it.
I'm not sure I can survive studying full-time without a part-time job at KFC.
It's just not my thing.
Centrelink won't help me, and if they do they will probably cut nan's payments too.

I just don't know what to do anymore.
I've set really vague goals lately, but I have never found myself to be working towards them. I feel lazy, but am frustrated that I never get anything done.
There isn't enough hours in the day.
Or maybe I just waste too many of them.

1 comment:

  1. My advice is to go to school. You will never regret that decision. What you will regret is never getting your degree, because you got caught up in life and never went back to school.